Fat Girl's Journey

Friday, October 2, 2009

It's been almost a year since I last posted. It would appear I'm as consistent with this blog as I am in going to the gym.... Actually, I'm more consistent about going to the gym than blogging. And that's a really sad statement given my gym habits.

Where I'm at right now -- same weight. This last year has been frustrating. Not much in the way of progress. That being said, losing weight and keeping it off is largely a mental game. It's easy to feel discouraged. I started in the spring of 2006. There's a negative voice in my head that beats me down saying I should be at goal NOW... that I should have actually reached it sometime in 2008. It's a loud voice. It's the same one that taunts me when I drive by Dunkin Donuts. It's the one that tells me, when I've made a bad choice at a meal, that I might as well blow the rest of the day. And after I've blown the day, it tells me I might as well just give up for the week. Sometimes I listen to the voice. I don't advise it. I've never been happy with the results. It also tries to tell me that I might as well just give up because I will never reach my goal.

But there is this other voice. That voice reminds me that I've lost 100 pounds. I may not be at goal. But it's been over 3 years since I started seriously losing weight. Although I have not made much in the way of progress this year, I have held my ground. That's something. I've read articles and seen some discouraging statistics about maintaining weight loss. I wanted to do more than maintain. I certainly thought I'd have more to show for the past year than simply maintaining. But maybe I should claim that and appreciate it.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Last picture for now


This picture is from fall 2008. I'd lost almost 100 pounds at this point.

Picutres



I've struggled with my weight most of my life. I was about 15 and on swim team when this picture was taken. I'm not expecting to look like this again, at least not without a considerable amount of plastic surgery :-) I was 25 years younger. But I like this picture because it reminds me that, despite my struggle, I have at one point in my life been at a healthy weight. I'm reminded that it's possible.

More pictures



June 2006. I'd maybe lost 10 pounds at this point.

Some photos


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Recording The Journey

I've had this blog set up for some time, but have seriously neglected it. I haven't felt inspired to write, and haven't been sure what I wanted this to be for me. Am I trying to encourage and inspire other people by sharing my experience, or maybe myself?? I don't know. Probably both.

If you're reading this and you have serious weight to lose, I've been there, am still there, and can totally relate. To date, I've lost 107 pounds. Mind you, it's taken me well over two years to do this. There are times I think about how much I've lost and feel really good about myself, and times I feel bad because if I had really buckled down, how much farther along might I be??

In case you're wondering, I'm doing Weight Watchers. No, you don't have to eat their food. You can buy their products if you like, but it's not necessary at all. I love their program and enjoy the meetings. Whether I've had a good week or a bad week, I am inspired and encouraged by my leader and the other members. This is what works for me. It may not be your thing. Although, if you are looking for something that allows flexibility and is reasonable (no cutting out entire food groups), you might give it a try.

In conjunction with Weight Watchers, I am dragging my nearly 40 year old butt to the gym to work out. Weight Watchers encourages it, and really it's just common sense. That doesn't mean I enjoy it though :-) Actually, I should be at the gym right now. I'm sorta procrastinating. I COULD write in this blog when I get back . . . It would seem that the exercise is more necessary now than it was when I was in my 20's to help expedite the weight loss. I've not been real consistent at it, but am trying to remedy that. I've been doing better over the last month. If I had been more consistent over the last couple of years with this part, I may have seen that 100 # mark sooner.

I started at 356 pounds. I'm under 250 for the first time in about 13 years. My goal weight is somewhere between 135 and 160 (I'm 5'6). If it seems like a big range, it's because I'll figure out when I get there what the magic number is. At one point in my life, I was this height and weighed about 132. Of course, I was 16 years old. I wasn't a tiny little thing even then. I think I looked normal, healthy. I'll never be a tiny little thing, God didn't make me that way. Unless I starve myself. I won't be doing that, guaranteed. I'm not sure it's realistic to expect to weigh what I did at 16 and I don't want to have an unhealthy obsession to just keep losing when I've hit the right place. So we'll see. In the mean time, I've got some fun milestones coming up. In about 19 pounds, I'll actually weigh what my drivers license says I weigh!! Woohoo. 15 pounds down from that, I'll weigh what I did when we got married :-) And 15 pounds down from that, I'll be under 200 for the first time since my Freshman year of college.

I guess this is going to be more of a diary, and you're invited to look if you want. Probably there will be a lot of me trying to talk myself into the gym and away from the cheesecake. It will be a place to chronicle not only my weight loss, but also my progress towards other goals, like completing a sprint triathlon. It will be a place where I can look back, when I feel stuck. I'll see that I've been there before, and if I just hang on and don't give up, I'll make it past that point.

Now, with that, I'm off to the gym.